A lot has been happening lately and I will fill you in on all the details leading up to your birth but for now I'm just going to reminisce of the events that took place exactly one month from today.
You were born on a quiet Thursday morning at 3:01 AM. On Wednesday morning I had woken up spotting a little bit but wasn't overly concerned because I had spotted on and off since fetal surgery. A week and a half prior my water had broken and we were thinking you'd make and even earlier entrance into the world. Thankfully that did not happen, so you and I hung out on hospital bedrest. Since things had stabilized we were certain we could make it another 4 weeks until May 6th at 7:30 AM, your scheduled arrival date. (Once your water breaks the latest you will be delivered is at 34 weeks due to the risk of infection outweighing prematurity at that point.) So your dad made himself very comfortable at the hospital. He even wheeled in (on a wheelchair) our mattress topper in order to make his couch/bed more comfortable and converted one of our closet into our "snack pantry" filled with all sorts of snacks to munch on in between meals. We tried to make the most of things. We enjoyed my daily allotted 30 min wheelchair rides out to the patio, and I probably ate my body weight in vanilla pudding. Day after day we hung tight just counting down the days until we could meet our baby girl.
Well Wednesday night your dad and I were watching a movie and I fell asleep. When I woke up after a wonderful nap (better than any amount of sleep I'd had in a long time) I got up to go to the bathroom. I was bleeding...a lot. I told the nurses and they immediately did a non-stress test (NST) to make sure you were okay. I was used to NSTs because I got to have one every morning. I loved sitting there listening to your heart beating so rhythmically for 30 minutes. It was the best way I could start my day. From the NST you were doing great so we weren't concerned but just as a precaution they transferred me over to Labor and Delivery to be on observation for a couple of hours. They assured us we would be back in our old room by midnight so we sat and listened to your heartbeat on the monitors not knowing that in a couple of hours our lives were about to change for the better.
Eventually I started contracting. But they weren't painful and weren't regular at all. However before they were going to send us back to our room they wanted to make sure my cervix wasn't changing. Low and behold, I was already dilated to 3 cm and I wasn't even having painful labor yet. Things happened very quickly from there. The specialist came and explained that she felt it was best to deliver before things progress even further. She assured me that you were far enough along and had already had 2 cycles of steroids for your lungs so you would have minimal complications. The nurse started an IV and started pumping fluids and magnesium (to help prevent cerebral palsy in you). Then the anesthesiologist came in and asked his usual questions. Then they gave scrubs for your dad to change into and he gave me a blessing before we were wheeled off to the OR for the C-Section.The whole time things were happening I felt completely calm, I know it was a blessing because I had stressed about your delivery to the point of tears everyday, but I knew you were going to be okay.
I sat on the Operating table, the anasthesiologist gave me the spinal block, they hung the drapes, invited your Dad to come sit by me, and then it all begun. Withing a couple of minutes, I heard a couple little cries from you before you were whisked off to the NICU. It was the most beautiful sound. My biggest fear was not hearing you cry, that your lungs wouldn't be strong enough to cry. Your Dad and I started to cry. We were parents and we were so happy that you had made is safely. I didn't get a chance to see you. Finally, they let your dad back to see you and take pictures while I was being put back together. You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I was not expecting all that blonde hair of yours but now I can't imagine you with anything else.
Once I was in my L&D room I sat and kept asking the nurse when I could go to the NICU. I just wanted to see my baby. After about an hour in wheeled the Life Flight team. They had decided to transfer you to Primary Children's. There you were in the incubator, tinier and more beautiful in person. I
sat looking at you, you just slept contently squeezing on my finger with your tiny little hand, while your dad had his arms around me. I will forever remember this tender moment. It was the first time we got to be together as a family. The words of a poem my dear friend Cami shared came to my mind...
If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you.
If God had told me, "This one will one day need extra care and needs," I still would have chosen you.
If He had told me, "This soul will make your heart bleed," I still would have chosen you.
If He had told me, "This soul will make you question the depth of your faith," I still would have chosen you.
If He had told me, "This soul will make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river," I still would have chosen you.
If He had told me, "This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering," I still would have chosen you.
If He had told me, "All that you know to be normal will drastically change," I still would have chosen you.
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you.
(By Terri Banish)
Emma your Dad and I love you. Everyday our love for you grows and we can't imagine we could possibly love you more but we do! You have the sweetest spirit and funnest little personality. We can't wait to see what wonderful things you do with your life. We are grateful we can be your parents and that one month ago today you changed our lives for the better.
All my love and more,
Mom
